=(

I realise two things can make me cry. First, when I see any of my loved one been hurt or it is because I regret of something I had done.

Few days ago I answered a quiz. One of the question is "When was the last time u cried?". My answer was a few months ago. The conclusion from the quiz is I am fragile, easily hurt. WTH..mane ade. I'm being such a tough girl tau. Tak nak dah nangis2 ni. Big girl dont cry ok.

But then last Monday, I cried like hell. For the very first time I burst into tears in front of someone that I'm not close with. That day someone that I trust, respect, that I thought will protect me from harm hurt me a lot. Angah n I cried together over the phone. However, I am glad bcoz I have friends that being really caring and supportive. Thanx guys. Really appreciate it. Though I only be friend less than a year with some of them.

I failed to protect her. And I am truly regret. If I could have one wish I would ask to turn back time before this thing happen.

I always said to people "Allah wont test u if He knows that u can't bear it". But it is hard when its happen to u. I pray n pray for our happiness. I pray that we will get our normal life again. I pray n I hope this thing will end faster.

For Umi, I always love u. I promise I won't leave u until this thing settle..until she go and leave us alone. I always be besides u no matter wat happen..

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Stress..sad..disappointed..angry...

I am so sad..i feel so stress...so disappointed..
With my own self..

I wanna cry..but I can't..
I wanna scream but I can't..
I wanna sleep but I don't feel like it..

What ever I did nothing can make this feeling disappear..

I just wanna talk to someone that I can trust..
I called Ruz but she's working..
I called Marini..she didn't pick up..
I called my friend but my the sadness didn't go away..

Oh God..pls help me go through this stage..
Pls let me be strong..
One month...
Then I'm going to open a new book..a new life..

Accidently Shopping

Pernah tak any of u yg 'tershopping'?meaning...tak de intention nak shopping plus cash kat tgn tak de plus tak de credit card tapi at last shopping jugak?

Tu yg terjadik pada diri ini. Gara2 excited tgk org shopping and I was only doing window shopping (I wont shop if I dont have intention to do so) akhirnya ter'accident' shopping.

Lepas tgk Transformers kat OU, Yana nak beli cardigan. Lepas tu tgh jalan2 near TGV, I stopped then hold this one shoe kat this one kedai (I forgot the name of the shop). Lawa, cun, cute. Bila tgk price..hurm..tak mahal pun. Then I put down. Haiza pulak ambik.

"Eh, comel la kasut ni"

"Memang la comel".

"Miss, can u gv saiz 6".

There u go. Haiza tried the shoe. I cont browsing the shoes in the shop. Yana pun. Haiza decided to buy the shoe. Then, she saw another shoe. Ok lah. tak pe. Her money. Not mine. Hati ni mcm geram jer tapi tahan coz Haiza beli 2 kasut n one of it kasut yg I really2 like. I reminded myself.No shopping Alia.

Then we continued walking. Singgah pulak kat F.O.S. Masuk as usual. We were inside there almost 30mins. Believe it or not. I almost buy a t-shirt. Haiza n Yana pun almost buy something for themselves.

Later, we went inside Padini (dah pulak) since I asked for it. Just for fun. Thought tak lama dalam tu but rupa2nya Haiza bought (I'm not sure how many) pants and shirts. Hahaha..bershopping sakan rupanya Haiza ni..

After that we wanna go for dinner. On the way to Pizza Hut, we met Aidil n Mimi. When Mimi said we bershopping sakan, dgn nada yg agak berlagak I replied

"Mie, Alia tak shopping tau. Haiza and Yana jer". I was proud with myself. Haha..

But then, I cant resist myself bila masuk WH. I really like this pant and a blouse. I really wanna buy it. But I dont have cash on hand or even a credit card. And these two young ladies pulak provoked me to buy. And I did. I bought it. N using wat do u think? I borrowed from Haiza.

And there u go. From dpt menahan nafsu nk shopping at last I bought things I dont need. Worse, I used someone credit card.

:)

11 months ago....

Height:159cm
Weight:49kg

Last week (30 June 2009)

Height:159cm (still the same)
Weight:______kg (a few kilos bertambah)

Went to the same place as 11 months ago to do audit. But this time I went alone. Sungguh membosankan. Met the same faces.

12 pm sumthing..

A: Tak pergi lunch ker? Takkan diet kot.
Me: Belom lagi pukul 1. Jap lagi la.
A: Awak dah nampak...gemuk skit (darn!!)
Me: Ramai ckp macam tu.
A: Tak byk skit jer. (Ayat cover ceh..)sbb suka ati kot.
Kwn A: Sbb nak kawin kot (wow!! assumption tak bleh blah)
Me: Tu lagi jauh. Calon pun tak de.

A dan kwnnye gelak...and I walked away from the place back to my laptop.

I was so embarrassed for wat both of them said. (malu2 kucing..hihi..)..dari awak tu yg kecik. tak padan ngan umur nak ckp org.huh!!

I gain weight not because I'm getting married nor I am 'suka ati'.