29 years ++ of living has teach me to be me. Thanks to them for ‘shaping’ me as who I am today… There are ups and downs in my life. There are times when I feel i lost place to lean and trust . To tell u the truth, I am living in a simple life. My life is consist of works Monday to Friday from morning until 8pm at night. Yeah,u got it right it sounds like I am so hardworking. Sometimes my working hours could stretch to 10pm or the latest by midnight which I assume it will only happen once a year (if it happen). My weekends is pack with study since I decided to start back what I have started, to complete my ACCA (god knows how long it has been..ishk..ishk..ishk). hence, my free time is only left with Sunday. It is a day where I wanna get some rest, stay at home, run some errands or join any runs. Basically that is how things are with me.
One fine day after my birthday someone asked me, ‘how was the celebration last night?’. I asked him ‘what celebration?’, tried to look puzzle. I know what he meant. Dates, flowers, proper dinner n bla bla bla. I told him I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed home, celebrated it with my family, played with my nephew (the best feeling ever!). It is not true actually. No celebration, no cake cutting. Just wishes from them. That is it. What my friend replied when I told him that ‘pity you. Next year you are turning to 30 years old n yet you did not go anywhere to celebrate and still single’.
That time I felt so hurt like a knife stabbing my chest, hard to breath because I was trying to control my anger. My emotions were not stable. I almost cried. It took me few seconds before I could reply. I said ‘it is more meaningful celebrating your birthday with your family rather than a stranger’. I told myself to keep calm n breath after that. Fuh! The first person I text was my bestie. I told her it is not my fault to be single at this age, it is not my fault I didn't celebrate my birthday with a guy, it is not my fault that I am not married at this age. It is not my fault at all!!!
He does not know what I went through in finding Mr Right, he did not know how many times I cried because of one guy, he did not know how many sins I did by having a relationship with a guy, he did not how my past relationship had ruined my relationship with others, he did not know. He did not know who I am. He knew nothing about me!
Let me tell you, I never ask to be single at this age. When I was in my final year in my university, I had a plan. I planned by the time I graduate, I find a job and continue my ACCA full time within 3 years and got married after that. I planned to do all that within 3 years and I hope I will have my first child at the age of 27 years old. But as a human being, we only can plan, it is Allah who decides what best for us.