29 years ++
of living has teach me to be me. Thanks to them for ‘shaping’ me as who I am
today… There are ups and downs in my life. There are times when I feel i lost place to lean and trust . To tell u the truth, I am living in a
simple life. My life is consist of works Monday to Friday from morning until
8pm at night. Yeah,u got it right it sounds like I am so hardworking. Sometimes
my working hours could stretch to 10pm or the latest by midnight which I assume
it will only happen once a year (if it happen). My weekends is pack with study
since I decided to start back what I have started, to complete my ACCA (god
knows how long it has been..ishk..ishk..ishk). hence, my free time is only left
with Sunday. It is a day where I wanna get some rest, stay at home, run some
errands or join any runs. Basically that
is how things are with me.
One fine day after my birthday someone
asked me, ‘how was the celebration last night?’. I asked him ‘what celebration?’,
tried to look puzzle. I know what he meant. Dates, flowers, proper dinner n bla
bla bla. I told him I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed home, celebrated it with my
family, played with my nephew (the best feeling ever!). It is not true
actually. No celebration, no cake cutting. Just wishes from them. That is it. What
my friend replied when I told him that ‘pity you. Next year you are turning to
30 years old n yet you did not go anywhere to celebrate and still single’.
That time I felt
so hurt like a knife stabbing my chest, hard to breath because I was trying to
control my anger. My emotions were not stable. I almost cried. It took me few
seconds before I could reply. I said ‘it is more meaningful celebrating your
birthday with your family rather than a stranger’. I told myself to keep calm n
breath after that. Fuh! The first person I text was my bestie. I told her it is
not my fault to be single at this age, it is not my fault I didn't celebrate
my birthday with a guy, it is not my fault that I am not married at this age. It is
not my fault at all!!!
He does not know what I went through in finding Mr Right, he did not know how many times I cried
because of one guy, he did not know how many sins I did by having a
relationship with a guy, he did not how my past relationship had ruined my
relationship with others, he did not know. He did not know who I am. He knew
nothing about me!
Let me tell
you, I never ask to be single at this age. When I was in my final year in my
university, I had a plan. I planned by the time I graduate, I find a job and
continue my ACCA full time within 3 years and got married after that. I planned
to do all that within 3 years and I hope I will have my first child at the age
of 27 years old. But as a human being, we only can plan, it is Allah who decides
what best for us.
