Dream

Last night i dreamt about him. The person that I miss most, his presence, his smile, his voice, his spontaneous.

I was as a celebration. It was at night. The sky was dark but the lights around us lightened the darkness. Everyone was happily laughing, chatting and wearing nice and pretty clothes. I guess since it almost Deepavali and I walked at Jalan Masjid India yesterday, that is the reason why the bright color clothing and lights were all about.

I walked with someone. A friend. Around the place. It has an open place in the middle of building. the bulding is much alike in the famous hisdustan movie, Banrangi Bhaijaan where Rashika stays with her family. I walked around the path. Chatting and talking to whoever we met on our way.

Then I met my parents and some of my family. suddenly, there he was there. Appear besides me. He was wearing blue colored shirt. There was a smile on his face. Big smile. we were shocke but there was a big grin wearing on our face. I hugged him. tightly and non-stop saying his name, "Abg Ajun,, Abg Ajun". For not know how many times. He just smile. Then Umi asked, "Have you meet Marini?". His replied "Not yet." Umi asked him to meet her.

His physical was not like us. He was like a thin smoke. But I hugged him just now. I don't care and I don't want to know how. He took one of the lantern and lighted himself so that we could see him clearer.

That was it. Until that. When I woke up I could feel the tears at the corner of my eyes. I cried because I was happy to see him even it just for a few minutes. Syukur Allah pertemukan kami. walau hanya sekejap. Rindu itu terubat juga.

I wrote this because I don't want to forget about it. At least whenever I read back all my post I know I have it before.

#rinduseorangadik

Selepas seminggu....

Assalamualaikum.

Hari ini genap 7 hari Abg Ajun pergi menghadap Ilahi. Iya, arwah meninggal pada 17 Apr 2016 pada pukul 11.27am di KPJ Damansara. Arwah pergi tepat 5 bulan sebelum birthday nya yang ke 33tahun.

Sewaktu kami sekeluarga tahu arwah di diagnos mempunyai 'testiscular cancer' tahap 3 pada 22 Januari 2016, aku amat terkejut. sewaktu aku tahu tentang berita itu, mahu sahaja aku cancel sahaja trip ke Koh Li pe yang dirancang dimana kami akan bertolak pada awal esok pagi. Tapi memandangkan kami hanya plan trip itu berdua adalah amat tidak adil untuk aku tarik diri  last minute. 

Arwah mengambil keputusan untuk menjalani perubatan alternatif (taking natural remedies). Doktor yang rawat arwah adalah certified doctor. Yang membezakan dengan doktor hospital is the foods and medicine are all naturals, without- GMO, and organics. This diagnosis effect all of us. kami sekeluarga mula mengelak dari bahan makanan yang bukan organik dan fast-foods.

Setelah beberapa bulan bertarung, arwah dimasukkan ke hospital pada 12 April 2016. masa itu doktor advise untuk refer this case to KPJ Damansara or HKL becaus these two places aje yang ada specialist for cancer treatment. So, he was admitted to KPJ Damansara on the 14 April 2016 to andikastart treatment chemo but Allah swt loves him more. Arwah pergi sebelum sempat buat apa-apa treatment di hospital.

Memang susah untuk aku terima ketentuan ini tapi aku kena belajar untuk redha menerima ujian. Sumpah, aku ingat aku bersedia apabila saat ini hadir tapi rupanya aku amat lemah. Aku kena jadi kuat untuk jadi support system to my SIL and their son. Yes, arwah meninggalkan seorang anak laki berusia 4 tahun. Anak itu terlalu kecil untuk hidup tanpa seorang bapa.

Sepanjang hidup aku, kami boleh di consider as rapat. time kecil, kami banyak main sama-sama memandangkan beza umur kami hanya 2 tahun. Main lumpur, basikal, tembak-tembak di kala matahari di atas kepala bukan menjadi hal untuk kami. iya, aku memang lasak tapi semua ini aku belajar dengan arwah dan abang sulung aku. Arwah seorang yang banyak mengalah untuk aku sejak kecik sampai besar. pernah sekali aku bergaduh dengan ex-bf aku waktu balik from office and he saw it. He went back alone even we were suppose to go back together. Kami pergi kerja bersama-sama memandangkan both commuted using lrt and our offices dekat to each other. I was the one who held the car key tho he was older than me. I could not remember we ever fight when we were small. we only started argue over things last few years because i was being over-protected over my loved one.

we worked in the same office for a year and as a HR officer, he was being honest, responsible and reliable in keeping the P&C info. even i tried to korek the rahsia but he did not entertain and buat bodoh je. as a father, arwah memang pandai jaga anak. Tukar pampers, bagi makan, mandikan anak and etc. I look up on arwah on this. He might not diberikan rezeki yang murah seperti aku tapi arwah tidak pernah menyusahkan kami dengan meminjam duit. 

Rancangan Allah swt itu sungguh teliti dan cantik. Kami percaya ada hikmah yang tersirat dibalik kejadian ini. Kami sudah buat yang termampu untuk mengubati arwah dan Allah tidakkan memberi ujian kepada hambanya jika hambanya tidak terdaya. sesungguhnya apa yang terjadi sudah tertulis di Lah Maahfuz. Siapa kita hambanya yang layak untuk mempertikaikan setiap kejadian?

Abg Ajun...abg ajun pergi dengan senang, wajah mu tenang. Alia akan rindukan Abg Ajun sepanjang hayat Alia. Moga Abg Ajun tenang di sana. Moga Allah swt mempertemukan kita kembali di syurga dimana kita tidak akan terpisah selamanya selepas itu.

Dear readers, please recite Al-fatihah for arwah if you read this post. If you are wondering how are we doing, alhamdulillah we are good. we are still coping with the lost. Please make du'a for us to be stronger and may Allah ease our burden. Please also make du'a for arwah's wife and their son. Only Allah swt could repay all the du'a.