Dream

Last night i dreamt about him. The person that I miss most, his presence, his smile, his voice, his spontaneous.

I was as a celebration. It was at night. The sky was dark but the lights around us lightened the darkness. Everyone was happily laughing, chatting and wearing nice and pretty clothes. I guess since it almost Deepavali and I walked at Jalan Masjid India yesterday, that is the reason why the bright color clothing and lights were all about.

I walked with someone. A friend. Around the place. It has an open place in the middle of building. the bulding is much alike in the famous hisdustan movie, Banrangi Bhaijaan where Rashika stays with her family. I walked around the path. Chatting and talking to whoever we met on our way.

Then I met my parents and some of my family. suddenly, there he was there. Appear besides me. He was wearing blue colored shirt. There was a smile on his face. Big smile. we were shocke but there was a big grin wearing on our face. I hugged him. tightly and non-stop saying his name, "Abg Ajun,, Abg Ajun". For not know how many times. He just smile. Then Umi asked, "Have you meet Marini?". His replied "Not yet." Umi asked him to meet her.

His physical was not like us. He was like a thin smoke. But I hugged him just now. I don't care and I don't want to know how. He took one of the lantern and lighted himself so that we could see him clearer.

That was it. Until that. When I woke up I could feel the tears at the corner of my eyes. I cried because I was happy to see him even it just for a few minutes. Syukur Allah pertemukan kami. walau hanya sekejap. Rindu itu terubat juga.

I wrote this because I don't want to forget about it. At least whenever I read back all my post I know I have it before.

#rinduseorangadik

I just need to write

I have been thinking about this for the past few months and I really need to write about what I'm thinking. So, here you go....

When we chose someone to get married and be our lifetime partner there must be a reason to it. It might be because his heart/ money/ wealth/ looks or etc. For me if I choose that somebody to be my partner I don't based on his physical appearance. Honestly for me when it's about your lifetime partner it has to be beyond that.

Not everyone is perfect and we all knew it and we couldn't get the person we dream off. A guy I am with right now is not the type of person that I though I will end up with. He's an average guy who owns a 'motor kapcai', lives in a kampung (in KL) with family, doesn't care what brand is he wearing and earns less than RM5K. Though sometimes he can drives me crazy like sooooo demmmm crazy I still stick to him. Even I can't rely on him 100% though I am so desperate for a hand, I still close my option.

What I am trying to say is there must be a reason why we chose to have them as a life partner. And I chose him because he has something that nobody that I have met have. He treated me well, he knows how to handle me when I'm having life crisis, he criticised if I make any mistake, I am comfortable with him and he makes me to be a better person.

One time when I told someone that my ex-admirer is getting married and well earned, that person asked me why I didn't choose him. I said I can't. Yes, he's earning good money, educated, have good job but I am not comfortable with him and sometimes the relationship can't be more than friend (it just can't even you force it to happen).

My friend is a perfectionist but she end up with mummy little boy. Another friend who can easily get grumpy, moody end up with choosy and perfectionist. I always believe there is a reason Allah sent that person to us. To teach us how to be grateful and improve ourselves to be a better person in another word "dialah seteru kita, yg kita ingat selama ini kita memang tak suka dgn perangai org jenis mcm ini. Tapi org itulah yg ajar kita what is the meaning of life".

And me, a hot-tempered and annoying got a guy who always test my patience and from that I learn how to control my temper not only when it caused by him but also by others. I know we complement each other in some way. Someone said this to me: "itu keburukan dia dan kau kena belajar untuk terima. Dan kau juga at the same time kena belajar untuk jadi seorg penyabar. Bukan dgn dia je tapi dgn benda lain juga".

I always wonder before why you have to end up with 'kaki clubbing' or 'org yg control your every says and actions' while they know they couldn't tolerate that behaviour. There must be a reason, a reason that you couldn't express the so called X-factor (s) when you were asked. Only us and Him and also him/her (by any chance) know the real reason.

I'm not writing this to make you understand how I am feeling but at least before you judge and say, think if we are wearing the same shoes.

p/s: wealthy is not permanent. Our charity is. What we earned today is enough unless we are being ungrateful.

Atiqah is married

Salam...

This entry is a kesinambungan from my previous entry..after almost 2 months (ehem) baru nak sambung. Sorry!

By the way, as you know, Atiqah got married on the Hari Malaysia. Reception pula was on the next week (24th Sept 2011) and the guys side is on 1st Oct 2011. A week gap from each majlis. Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly.

Few pictures from all receptions.

Cinta Pandang Pertama

Oh berdebar-debar hati nya
Kali pertama bertentang mata
Inilah pengalaman
Harus ditempuhi tiap insan...

I bet everyone or almost everyone have this experience..LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT! I have a few experiences about this..

1)Year 1994 (darjah 3)
Budak laki tu a family friend to our family. Met during a camp organized by my Umi's biro.cute gak la die tapi he is 4 years older than me kot n die suka sorang akak ni. Sape la nak pandang budah selekeh n selebet like me ni. Now, ade jugak jumpa die setahun tak sekali n he still looks da same boyish look.

Year 1996 (Darjah 5)
This boy was staying at my housing area. Jalan 5 min dah sampai rumah die. Met him waktu die dtg rumah main2 with my brother. Oh, lupa..his name is Faiz n die ni my bro's friend n 1 year older than me. Chinese looks n muka pun baik je. Die tau dat I like him sbb ade org bocorkan rahsia (malu jer). Tapi die suka org lain. Jiran kitaorg jugak. They went ngaji sama2 (I didnt. Blaja kat rumah je). Then die pindah somewhere. Last time jumpa year 2001 at my open house.

Year 1998 (Form 1)
Yang ni lagi complicated. Ternampak during balik from school. He was inside a bus. Comel je. His name is Qusyairi. Our school sebelah2 je. Tapi mane berani nak approach.Then masuk jer form 2, mula naik LRT. tak jumpa die. After a few years terjumpa die dekat my school's Family Day. Tgk2 die dah ade gf n his gf during that time was my friend.

Year 1999 (Form 2)
This boy nama die Aziz. We both met during latihan Hari Merdeka at SMK Chocrane. Ntah ape yg made me tertarik with him sampai sekarang tak tau. Ili (my close friend that time) helped me to get his biodata (time ni nk berkenalan main tukar2 biodata). He asked for mine. So, we exchanged. tup..tup..he called my house on the 31st August. We met for the first time at Pesta Buku @ PWTC. sungguh membosankan rite? But we met with the present of my friends. Last2 I rejected him for no reason. Hahaha...

Year 2000 (Form 3)
This boy I met dlm LRT. He was a prefect at his school n same as Qusyairi, our school sbelah2 jer. Wat made me tertarik with him because he was so smart n looked neat in his uniform. With my friend's bro help, I managed to get his phone no. n die la jadi our middle person.Suka ati je kan.We went out to KLCC during school break. Atiqah teman. Waktu tu macam excited + nervous. Siap beli baju baru coz nk impress die.Bila dah jumpa, face to face, he is so damn different from wat I know. Then, we didnt contact each other atas beberapa reasons.

Year 2002 (Form 5)
This boy is also my neighboor. I saw him during Majlis Raya for this area. But that time I was in a relationship so simpan je la dlm hati. I had his picture. Just for fun. Suka tgk his face.

Year 2008
After more than how many years, during Aida's convo at UPM, I met this guy. Smart dowh. Actually Aida did mentioned about him, her course-mate a few months before.We did contacted each other thru YM and FB but now mcm dah putus hubungan. Dia lah paling lama yg saya minat :). God knows wat happen to him rite now. The last time I know, die keje as PTD at Kementerian Kerjaraya.

Sometimes, I wonder wat happen to all of them. Dah kawin ke?kerja kat mane?wat r they doing rite now? hehehe. Tapi skarang tak boleh jatuh cinta pandang pertama. Macam tak releven je. Pandang 10 kali tak tentu org tu boleh dipercayai but kuasa Tuhan sape boleh lawankan. Kalau dah namanya jodoh jatuh cinta jugak. Bak kata pepatah 'Dari mata jatuh ke hati'.

=(

I realise two things can make me cry. First, when I see any of my loved one been hurt or it is because I regret of something I had done.

Few days ago I answered a quiz. One of the question is "When was the last time u cried?". My answer was a few months ago. The conclusion from the quiz is I am fragile, easily hurt. WTH..mane ade. I'm being such a tough girl tau. Tak nak dah nangis2 ni. Big girl dont cry ok.

But then last Monday, I cried like hell. For the very first time I burst into tears in front of someone that I'm not close with. That day someone that I trust, respect, that I thought will protect me from harm hurt me a lot. Angah n I cried together over the phone. However, I am glad bcoz I have friends that being really caring and supportive. Thanx guys. Really appreciate it. Though I only be friend less than a year with some of them.

I failed to protect her. And I am truly regret. If I could have one wish I would ask to turn back time before this thing happen.

I always said to people "Allah wont test u if He knows that u can't bear it". But it is hard when its happen to u. I pray n pray for our happiness. I pray that we will get our normal life again. I pray n I hope this thing will end faster.

For Umi, I always love u. I promise I won't leave u until this thing settle..until she go and leave us alone. I always be besides u no matter wat happen..

Familia :)

Happy Anniversary Umi n Ayah :).. today is their 31st Wedding Anniversary. Alhamdulllah our family's relationship getting stronger :) But we didn't go anywhere since it is weekday and tak sempat nak buat or plan apa2. But maybe Friday we will go dinner together.

I never write anything about my family in this blog before. Well, let me tell you briefly about my big happy family.

I have 7 siblings (4 brothers and 2 sisters) and I am no 4 (the middle). The unique thing about us is we were born every 2 years :) and started with A.Long in year 1979.

Currently my 2 sisters are in Australia. one is in Melbourne, Atiqah and this year is her final year and the other one is Angah in Brisbane (she will finish her study next year kot). Beside them, my 2 brothers are in Egypt. There have been there more than 5 years. I always for 4 of them to come back :(

In year 2006, A.Long married to K.Nora. My first in-law. Now they have 2 daughters, Siti Aisyah Umairah and Siti Nur Adawiyah (K.Nora is expecting to give birth to their 3rd children this July. Gender: Unknown)

So, basically, our house only left 4 of us (umi, ayah, A.Ajun and me of course).

So, there u go. A little info about my family. I always pray for their bless and happiness.

p/s: To be known soon in the picture above is referring to A.Long and K.Nora 3rd children..