I just need to write

I have been thinking about this for the past few months and I really need to write about what I'm thinking. So, here you go....

When we chose someone to get married and be our lifetime partner there must be a reason to it. It might be because his heart/ money/ wealth/ looks or etc. For me if I choose that somebody to be my partner I don't based on his physical appearance. Honestly for me when it's about your lifetime partner it has to be beyond that.

Not everyone is perfect and we all knew it and we couldn't get the person we dream off. A guy I am with right now is not the type of person that I though I will end up with. He's an average guy who owns a 'motor kapcai', lives in a kampung (in KL) with family, doesn't care what brand is he wearing and earns less than RM5K. Though sometimes he can drives me crazy like sooooo demmmm crazy I still stick to him. Even I can't rely on him 100% though I am so desperate for a hand, I still close my option.

What I am trying to say is there must be a reason why we chose to have them as a life partner. And I chose him because he has something that nobody that I have met have. He treated me well, he knows how to handle me when I'm having life crisis, he criticised if I make any mistake, I am comfortable with him and he makes me to be a better person.

One time when I told someone that my ex-admirer is getting married and well earned, that person asked me why I didn't choose him. I said I can't. Yes, he's earning good money, educated, have good job but I am not comfortable with him and sometimes the relationship can't be more than friend (it just can't even you force it to happen).

My friend is a perfectionist but she end up with mummy little boy. Another friend who can easily get grumpy, moody end up with choosy and perfectionist. I always believe there is a reason Allah sent that person to us. To teach us how to be grateful and improve ourselves to be a better person in another word "dialah seteru kita, yg kita ingat selama ini kita memang tak suka dgn perangai org jenis mcm ini. Tapi org itulah yg ajar kita what is the meaning of life".

And me, a hot-tempered and annoying got a guy who always test my patience and from that I learn how to control my temper not only when it caused by him but also by others. I know we complement each other in some way. Someone said this to me: "itu keburukan dia dan kau kena belajar untuk terima. Dan kau juga at the same time kena belajar untuk jadi seorg penyabar. Bukan dgn dia je tapi dgn benda lain juga".

I always wonder before why you have to end up with 'kaki clubbing' or 'org yg control your every says and actions' while they know they couldn't tolerate that behaviour. There must be a reason, a reason that you couldn't express the so called X-factor (s) when you were asked. Only us and Him and also him/her (by any chance) know the real reason.

I'm not writing this to make you understand how I am feeling but at least before you judge and say, think if we are wearing the same shoes.

p/s: wealthy is not permanent. Our charity is. What we earned today is enough unless we are being ungrateful.

Atiqah gonna get married

Salam! Hari ini Hari Malaysia sempena pengabungan Tanah Melayu, Sabah dan Sarawak yg membentuk sebuah negara dinamakan Malaysia. So, today is a public holiday and ramai orang mengambil kesempatan buat open house, nikah dan bertunang. This include our family.

My dearest little sister, Atiqah will getting married today. The solemnization is after Zuhur and now we are busy preparing for the event. Hopefully everything will be fine.

Atiqah is the closest sibling with me. We share secrets and stories. Though we rarely share since both of us busy with our working life but we still updated each other. I'm gonna miss her presence as she will be staying with her in-laws in Bangi. Lepas ini sunyilah rumah. Only umi, ayah, abg ajun n wife and of course ME! Anol and Insan will be leaving early next month :(

About her getting married, I don't really help her a lot until yesterday. Ahah!! So this is what I did:

1) Kemas her bilik a bit.

2) Buat door gift for the reception.

3) Pakaikan inai (this is the 3rd time pakaikan bakal pengantin inai pkl 11pm).

4) Wake up at 8am and basuh pinggan dinner mlm tadi (Masing2 penat tak larat nak mengemas)

5) Susun door gift for today.

6) Susun kerusi and carpet at ruang tamu.

7) Susun buah as part of the hantaran (it takes 30 mins).

8) Again pakaikan inai for her as the inai tak pekat.

I will continue later coz it is already noon and I need to get ready.

I Am Sorry

I am sorry for not being a good friend...
I am sorry for not being there when u need me...
I am sorry for not being a good partner..

I am sorry for not being a good colleague..
I am sorry for not being a good employee...

I am sorry for not being a good sister...
I am sorry for not being a good daughter..

but the worst is..

I am sorry for not being a devoted and a good Muslim..

Am I being a hypocrite and liar all this while???

Post an entry

Hard to say out the truth..kenapa? Takut kena marah or takut nak hadapi kenyataan. Gosh..Tak tau why I tend to hurt someone that I love. Coz I am being over sensitive and I want more attention? Crap!!

I always answer yes asked by others. Comfortable with current relationship?-Yes. Positive with choice- Yes. But deep down my heart I do not know either I am confident with my answer or not. Stupid kan. Can't look back now. Need and have to continue with it.

Tetapkanlah hati ini. Bersabarlah menerima keadaan yang ada. Cekalkan hati dan perasaan. Ikhlas melakukannya. Itu yang boleh dilakukan melainkan berdoa.

Be strong..be wise..be smart in all action my dear.

Ntah..tak tau...

aku tidak marah..tapi aku hanya kecewa kerana terlalu byk yg tidak diketahui hingga ke hari ini..tapi syukurlah...sekurang-kurangnya aku tidak tersilap langkah dalam membuat percaturan hidup sendiri..terima kasih Tuhan kerana memberi ku hati yg keras dan tidak mudah mengalah...

cuma aku berharap perkara yang sama tidak berulang di masa hadapan..

Cinta Pandang Pertama

Oh berdebar-debar hati nya
Kali pertama bertentang mata
Inilah pengalaman
Harus ditempuhi tiap insan...

I bet everyone or almost everyone have this experience..LOVE AT THE FIRST SIGHT! I have a few experiences about this..

1)Year 1994 (darjah 3)
Budak laki tu a family friend to our family. Met during a camp organized by my Umi's biro.cute gak la die tapi he is 4 years older than me kot n die suka sorang akak ni. Sape la nak pandang budah selekeh n selebet like me ni. Now, ade jugak jumpa die setahun tak sekali n he still looks da same boyish look.

Year 1996 (Darjah 5)
This boy was staying at my housing area. Jalan 5 min dah sampai rumah die. Met him waktu die dtg rumah main2 with my brother. Oh, lupa..his name is Faiz n die ni my bro's friend n 1 year older than me. Chinese looks n muka pun baik je. Die tau dat I like him sbb ade org bocorkan rahsia (malu jer). Tapi die suka org lain. Jiran kitaorg jugak. They went ngaji sama2 (I didnt. Blaja kat rumah je). Then die pindah somewhere. Last time jumpa year 2001 at my open house.

Year 1998 (Form 1)
Yang ni lagi complicated. Ternampak during balik from school. He was inside a bus. Comel je. His name is Qusyairi. Our school sebelah2 je. Tapi mane berani nak approach.Then masuk jer form 2, mula naik LRT. tak jumpa die. After a few years terjumpa die dekat my school's Family Day. Tgk2 die dah ade gf n his gf during that time was my friend.

Year 1999 (Form 2)
This boy nama die Aziz. We both met during latihan Hari Merdeka at SMK Chocrane. Ntah ape yg made me tertarik with him sampai sekarang tak tau. Ili (my close friend that time) helped me to get his biodata (time ni nk berkenalan main tukar2 biodata). He asked for mine. So, we exchanged. tup..tup..he called my house on the 31st August. We met for the first time at Pesta Buku @ PWTC. sungguh membosankan rite? But we met with the present of my friends. Last2 I rejected him for no reason. Hahaha...

Year 2000 (Form 3)
This boy I met dlm LRT. He was a prefect at his school n same as Qusyairi, our school sbelah2 jer. Wat made me tertarik with him because he was so smart n looked neat in his uniform. With my friend's bro help, I managed to get his phone no. n die la jadi our middle person.Suka ati je kan.We went out to KLCC during school break. Atiqah teman. Waktu tu macam excited + nervous. Siap beli baju baru coz nk impress die.Bila dah jumpa, face to face, he is so damn different from wat I know. Then, we didnt contact each other atas beberapa reasons.

Year 2002 (Form 5)
This boy is also my neighboor. I saw him during Majlis Raya for this area. But that time I was in a relationship so simpan je la dlm hati. I had his picture. Just for fun. Suka tgk his face.

Year 2008
After more than how many years, during Aida's convo at UPM, I met this guy. Smart dowh. Actually Aida did mentioned about him, her course-mate a few months before.We did contacted each other thru YM and FB but now mcm dah putus hubungan. Dia lah paling lama yg saya minat :). God knows wat happen to him rite now. The last time I know, die keje as PTD at Kementerian Kerjaraya.

Sometimes, I wonder wat happen to all of them. Dah kawin ke?kerja kat mane?wat r they doing rite now? hehehe. Tapi skarang tak boleh jatuh cinta pandang pertama. Macam tak releven je. Pandang 10 kali tak tentu org tu boleh dipercayai but kuasa Tuhan sape boleh lawankan. Kalau dah namanya jodoh jatuh cinta jugak. Bak kata pepatah 'Dari mata jatuh ke hati'.

Raya La Pulak

Lagi 2 days nak raya. Sedih bila memikirkan bulan yg mulia, Ramadhan nak meninggalkan kita. Bila dipikirkan apa yang aku dah buat pada bulan ini. Alangkah ruginya diri ini bila amalan sunat kurang dilakukan. Aku berharap segala amal dan ibadat ku diterima oleh Nya.

Esok Angah akan sampai di KL and I will pick her up at KLIA. She will be here for a week utk raya. Atiqah pulak sampai on the 3rd raya. Sepatutnya dia dah sampai semalam tapi atas sebab2 tertentu dia terpaksa tunda kepulangan raya tahun ni. Aku bersyukur dan gembira sgt2 sebab buat pertama kalinya selepas 12 tahun kami beraya dengan semua ahli keluarga di sini. Yang lagi seronok, kami ada ahli baru iaitu Siti Nur Husna. Anak A.Long yang berusia 2 bulan. She's so adorable and cute. Ape yang diharapkan raya tahun ni lebih bermakna.

To all my friends, I want to wish u Salam Aidilfitri. Maaf atas segala silap yang dilakukan. Kekadang mulut tak cover dan tak perasan kata2 yg diucapkan itu menyakitkan hati. Tangan dan kaki pun kekadang pernah menyakitkan org lain tanpa sedar. Akan diprbaiki segala kelemahan pada masa depan :). Moga korang semua menyambut lebaran kali ini dengan org yg tersayang. Bagi yang tak dapat beraya ngan family bcoz u r somewhere else, don't worry, raya tetap raya, yang penting semangat. Huhuhu. Yang nak pulang ke kampung dan bakal pulang ke KL or tempat lain berhati-hati dijalan raya. Semoga selamat di tempat yang dituju :).

p/s: This would be my last post until minggu depan. Banyak persiapan tak buat lagi. Kuih, cake, bilik n etc menantikan utk dibereskan..

No regret..

"i'm happy for you! but still. am feeling guilty. :("

Comment posted by farhana at my FB. Relax Fana. Tak de ape2 yg nak rasa bersalah. U didnt do anythg wrong :)...yes..u advised me to do it. Others too. Tapi tak bermaksud ape yg terjadik tu ur fault. This is the risk that I am taking and I only hope that thing will get better after this regardless of die sama mcm I ker tak. I'm glad and thankful coz I have a friend like u. Supporting me in everything that I'm doing.

I'm teaching my self not t regret anything I had done and so far I didn't (as if..haha). Ade la skit like tak blaja btol2 during my degree, return to someone yg I know memang hopeless, n lambat amik action padahal bnd tu mcm between life n death.

My principle is Allah gives us choices, n it is all depends on us. So why must we regret? Yes, I admit I cried before, Who hasn't? But I am thankful coz the experiences teach me how to be a better person, open my eyes to the real meaning of life. I live to make others especially my loved ones' life be more meaningful and to make them happy.

and.....

Moral of the story...

1) Btolkan niat setiap kali hendak melakukan sesuatu
2) Ikhlaskan diri setiap masa
3) Jgn melambat-lambatkan benda yang baik
4) Pikir sakit org lain juga..jgn pikir keseronokan sendiri..
5) Think before U do

Sekian, terima kasih..

p/s: I am so mad at someone. Plz let thing be normal again..

Die Dtg Lagi

Kringg..kringg..

"Hello. Alia ade org from ___SB dtg bagi doc. Dtg depanlah ambil."
"OK".."aaarghh"..kopi tertumpah. Inilah akibatnya terlalu nervous (nervous ker??) Bila dgrnya someone come to send doc from this co I noe who is that person.

So, berlari-larilah saya di dalam office menuju ke depan. Apa motif berlari pun tak tau.

Sampai kat depan receptionist bagi envelope. Aik knape die ade lagi..ngatkan dah pergi after drop the doc.

"ade kena sign mane2 tak?"
"tak de"
"Lari ker?" "aah..byk keje la"
"owh" dan die pun bgn menuju ke pintu kluar..

Bila samapai di tempat rupa2nye signing pages ker. Kena buat attestation ni. K.Ina mintak hantar kat Joan coz she will send it together with others. Bila nak jumpa Ms Joan lalu lift.

"eh, tak turun lagi?"
"hurm..tak. Lambat la lift ni"sambil jawab senyum2 malu..alala..comelnyer :)
"jgn guna lift yg ni. Guna yg sbelah". Padahal sama jer. disebabkan tak de modal nak borak, kluar lah ayat yg tak logik.

Balik from Ms Joan punya bilik, Marini tegur. "Alia dah tersenyum. Tadi tension jer. Nak tegur pun takot. Siap berlari2 dalam ofis"

Wheewww...yeah..he changed my mood. Just like that. One super short meeting can change my entire day :) thanks to him..hopefully will meet him later.

=(

I realise two things can make me cry. First, when I see any of my loved one been hurt or it is because I regret of something I had done.

Few days ago I answered a quiz. One of the question is "When was the last time u cried?". My answer was a few months ago. The conclusion from the quiz is I am fragile, easily hurt. WTH..mane ade. I'm being such a tough girl tau. Tak nak dah nangis2 ni. Big girl dont cry ok.

But then last Monday, I cried like hell. For the very first time I burst into tears in front of someone that I'm not close with. That day someone that I trust, respect, that I thought will protect me from harm hurt me a lot. Angah n I cried together over the phone. However, I am glad bcoz I have friends that being really caring and supportive. Thanx guys. Really appreciate it. Though I only be friend less than a year with some of them.

I failed to protect her. And I am truly regret. If I could have one wish I would ask to turn back time before this thing happen.

I always said to people "Allah wont test u if He knows that u can't bear it". But it is hard when its happen to u. I pray n pray for our happiness. I pray that we will get our normal life again. I pray n I hope this thing will end faster.

For Umi, I always love u. I promise I won't leave u until this thing settle..until she go and leave us alone. I always be besides u no matter wat happen..

Familia :)

Happy Anniversary Umi n Ayah :).. today is their 31st Wedding Anniversary. Alhamdulllah our family's relationship getting stronger :) But we didn't go anywhere since it is weekday and tak sempat nak buat or plan apa2. But maybe Friday we will go dinner together.

I never write anything about my family in this blog before. Well, let me tell you briefly about my big happy family.

I have 7 siblings (4 brothers and 2 sisters) and I am no 4 (the middle). The unique thing about us is we were born every 2 years :) and started with A.Long in year 1979.

Currently my 2 sisters are in Australia. one is in Melbourne, Atiqah and this year is her final year and the other one is Angah in Brisbane (she will finish her study next year kot). Beside them, my 2 brothers are in Egypt. There have been there more than 5 years. I always for 4 of them to come back :(

In year 2006, A.Long married to K.Nora. My first in-law. Now they have 2 daughters, Siti Aisyah Umairah and Siti Nur Adawiyah (K.Nora is expecting to give birth to their 3rd children this July. Gender: Unknown)

So, basically, our house only left 4 of us (umi, ayah, A.Ajun and me of course).

So, there u go. A little info about my family. I always pray for their bless and happiness.

p/s: To be known soon in the picture above is referring to A.Long and K.Nora 3rd children..

Happy?? I do not know

Melihat kebahagian org disekeliling aku membuatkan aku terasa seperti sunyi. Kekadang perasaan ini ingin skali mempunyai teman yang setia teman diri ini. walaupun aku takut untuk berhadapan dengan situasi itu lg tp sebagai manusia naluri untuk berkasih syg tu sentiasa ada. tak mungkin aku dpt menghindari perasaan itu.

Namun, aku bahagia apabila melihat kwn2 dan kenalan aku mengakhiri zaman bujang atau pun bertunang. Walau tak rapat tetapi melihat mereka bahagia cukup untuk mengembirakan aku. Melibatkan diri dalam persiapan itu pun sudah cukup puas (ade yg ckp..i have something wrong somewhere). Asal ada jemputan kahwin aku akan cuba tunaikan untuk menghadiri majlis itu.

He's Just NOT That Into You

Last wed me,mashi and Anizah went to Times Square after work to watched a movie since Mashi's dad will pick her up quite late that day. we decided to watch this movie coz the title it self is catchy and my sister who had watched this movie recommends it so that we the ladies would know what actually in guy's head.

I am not 100 % agree with the movie nor 100% disagree. Coz for me in the relationship it is all depends on us. The exceptional is for you to decide not the guy. But the part where a Alex realized that he had fall for a Giegie when she stopped contacting him, I cannot deny more. It is always like that in the real life notwithstanding for a guy or a girl.

further, if we realize, we tend to overreact when we paranoid.Just like Janine and her husband. U love that someone but because of something bad happened in ur past sometimes can make urself hurt ur partner. Even it is true that ur partnet is wrong but there is a better way for u to overcome the situation. But I always don't understand why must u find a replacement when u actually not trying to fix the prob. Ok...just look at Janine, they obviously have a major prob in their marriage (they never have sex life) but the guy easily fall in love with Anna and slept with her. But the funny part is when Janine found out and mad that her husband cheated about the scandal but not as mad as when she found that he's smoking.

Then there is an issue when Beth wanna get marry badly but her bf didn't coz he didn't belives in marriage where he believes that they can still live happy together. But he said he loves her. Loves but dont want to get marry. Ape la. But same as Alex, he realized that he wants to spend his whole life with and only Beth when they broke off.

Another story is about Mary. Mary is a friend to Anna. She is in process to find the Right Man. However, the problem is when most of the guy that she knows is through the internet. So not healthy r.ship if u ask me. Internet nowdays is used as an alternative for a person to widen their so called community. But she never met him. So, how does she knows that he's the one. Trust me it is hard when u r in the virtual relationship. No phone calls at all. No emotion (the emoticons do not count) involves. And the most important no personal in touch.

Surely, the story ended with a happy ending. Nvrtheless, we have to remember prob occurs in a r.ship not bcause only one side but both sides are playing the important role. It is us to decide whether it is good or bad for us.

I recommend this story for those who haven't watch the movie. Just for fun and learn from it if it is applicable to u.